Current mood:

artistic

life is pushing me
into a corner again.

The setting of previous thought/sentence:

The people in my life are outlets for expression and being.
These outlets of my energies are addictive.
It becomes a place I hide within.

The short answer is the egoic mind.

The reason it's a corner:

I am running out.
Exponentially
Because I seek more and more from fewer and fewer.

It's amazing how I still feel even while knowing that I consciously chose to build my house of cards. I knew what I was getting into and knew how it would end. I warned of it to Dena, as though saying "turn back now if you don't want some painful experiences."
I suppose she was more willing than I was.

Really I just need more time alone.
Gotta sort it out and realize things as what they really are, not what I make of them to cope with pain.

It's clear that there is no one tolerant enough to help me, and if I spend too much time around any one person, I'm going to cause harm to those important friendships. It's certainly not their fault that I am so much to deal with. I wasn't until now. They aren't prepared and don't want to be.

The important thing is that I can decide who I am going to be again.
If I handle things well enough, I'll still have friends when it's over.